Where It All Began...

Technically, I suppose it all began somewhere around mid December, 1981. I'd like to think my father, the chivalrous individual he was, told my mother to dress in her Sunday's best because he was taking her to a lovely matinee and then a fabulous, early dinner that would be accompanied by only the house's finest bottle of pinot grigio. Followed with a few glasses of wine, a few slow dances and my mother being swept off her feet by the best looking man in the house and whisked away to a night that would never be forgotten. Soft snow falling, glistening in the pale moonlight. Snuggled up by the fireplace... and then, BOOM... a legend was made. However, anyone who really knew my father coupled with the fact that they had a 4-year old and a newborn at home, leads me to believe it probably went down much, much differently. More along the lines of my mother coming home from a 12-hour work day as an RN and then slaving away in the kitchen to cater to my father's hunky dinner requirements - one meat, one starch, one vegetable... A glass of half white milk, half chocolate milk, of course, on ice.... All completed whilst he slept on the couch - Al Bundy-style with one hand over his head and the other hand in the waistline of his jeans, with "All In the Family" or "Star Trek" blaring in the background because he clearly wasn't sleeping, but "watching" TV. Once my mother had put the final touches on the meal, got both kids set-up at the table and ready to eat, she'd wake my father up and they'd eat the dinner that my mother made while juggling entertaining a 4-year old and soothing a newborn. After cleaning up the dinner dishes, bathing the babies and putting them to sleep, I can't imagine my father swooning my mother so I imagine it probably went down more like an injured antelope being attacked by a lion as opposed to the love story picture painted previously.

Regardless, what resulted from this primal dance was probably the best thing that ever happened to my parents - me. Not to dote on myself, but I'm a pretty fabulous person. Even from birth, my parents knew they had hit the jackpot with me. So much so, that even though my mother who told everyone she wanted seven boys, told my father they were done after me!  If that doesn't say that they knew a good thing when they had it, I don't know what does. I mean, I basically completed the trifecta of perfection that my parents were going for... I was the missing link, I completed the puzzle.

Realistically, I have been beating my parents up since birth. I was ready to go home from the hospital before my mother. Her pregnancy with me was not enjoyable in the slightest. Then when she actually went into labor, they found out that I was breach.... or so they thought, until they realized that what they had coming down the life canal was an arm and a leg - so I was not breach, I was sideways. Insert emergency C-section, an extreme loss of blood, a couple blood transfusions for my mother and one badly bruised infant... and that was my grand entrance into this life. I guess, it's really been a mutual beating since birth.  Oh, on a side note, the reason I am Stephanie is because I was suppose to be Stephen Witowski III, but I've also been pulling aces from my pocket and taking body shots on my dad since birth too - hence, Stephanie Lee Witowski the last. 

Since that glorious day in August of '82, my parents' and sisters' lives have never been the same... and not necessarily for the better. I began talking in full sentences at the ripe age of 11 months and I haven't shut up since.  Even before that, I started walking at 10 months and haven't stopped going since. I was out of diapers before my older sister and at the rate I'm going these days, I'll probably be back in them before her.

This is just the beginning of my own demise. My life has been one debacle after another since birth and I don't expect anything less as each day passes me by.  Nothing comes as a surprise to me anymore and should you choose to read along on this tumultuous journey, you'll soon realize why.  This lunacy that I call life is what has made me strive for mediocrity with passion. If you're ready, buckle up and join in on the ride and enjoy the nuances of what I've come to call my life...