I don't know that I ever really had those types of visions. I didn't exactly fall into the "Princess" category. I was more of a child renegade that would rather play football, baseball, dodge ball, kickball, soccer or any other sport with the boys than kiss them. I preferred a pair of cleats to a pair of dress shoes, a pair of jean shorts to a skirt or a pair of sweats to a dress. I don't think I really even noticed a boy for the first time until I was in sixth grade. I attribute this to the fact that it wasn't until that time frame that any of the boys actually passed me in height and had the audacity to speak to me regarding anything other than picking me first for their dodge ball team in gym class - not to mention that despite their growth spurts, boys probably didn't notice me until long after this as I was every carpenter's dream and you couldn't tell if I was coming or going. Don't get me wrong. I had my childhood crushes on A.C. Slater (Mario Lopez), Joey MacIntyre (New Kids On The Block), Prince William (when he still had a full head of hair), Daniel Larusso - The Karate Kid (Ralph Macchio), and Eddie Furlong (Terminator 2 and Pet Cemetery 2). However, those boys were just media-hyped fantasies that I shared with every other girl that subscribed to Teen and Tiger Beat.
My older sister, however, was the opposite of me. She had the boys turning their heads long before me. While she was good at sports, she didn't make them her life. She was a social butterfly that both boys and girls flocked to. It didn't matter what she was wearing (because let's face it, the eighties was a tragic time for fashion), she always looked like she had just stepped off of a page from Teen Cosmopolitan - even when she went through her "grunge" phase, it was the "in" thing to do and she could make a pair of black combat boots and a flight jacket look damn good. I would never admit it back then, but I definitely envied the way she could control a room in any social setting. I desperately looked up to my older sister, especially during my most awkward years, but I'd die before I let her know it.
Remember, my older sister and I are only 19 months apart in age. This minimal gap resulted in us only be one year apart in school. This meant that I always felt like I was in a constant competition that I could never win. Boys, friends, clothes, parties, grades... anything that could prove that we were on equal playing fields, we competed for. Only problem was, the only things that I excelled in, she excelled in more (except for soccer). If I only knew back then what I know now, I would have dropped the competition and befriended my sister because I would come to find that I would never "beat" her. Alas, my "Eye of the Tiger" mentality resulted in nothing but a lot of pain and suffrage - mostly for me. Until one day in Junior High School (seventh grade), one of my older sister's friends, JG, asked me to go out with him. (On a side note: What does that even mean? Go out. Where are we going to go when neither one of the parties involved is even old enough to drive, drink, or stay out past 8:00 p.m.? I guess back then, "going out" was equivalent to today's "talking". I don't know.) JG happened to hang with my older sister's crew of friends and also happened to be good friends with my older sister's boyfriend at the time, which meant for the first time in my life, I had found an "in". My "in" was short lived, but I went out with a bang.
Junior High dances were attended in groups, not in couples. I had partaken in my fair share of "couple skates only" at Norwin Skateland, but all that entailed was holding hands while rollerskating and trying not to fall or trip your partner while skating to Boys II Men. I had even had a boyfriend in the sixth grade that sat next to me at lunch and held my hand on the school bus during field trips. However, I had never been asked to "go out" with a boy, let alone one of my older sister's friends.
Apparently, "going out" translated into JG meeting me at my locker every morning and then him holding my hand while walking me to my home room. Then at the end of the day, I'd meet him at his locker and we'd walk hand in hand to his bus. Aside from that, my lackluster Junior High lifestyle didn't skip a beat. The only difference was that for the first time ever, my older sister and her friends acknowledged my presence in the hallways of the school. The tragic end happened one evening after JG, my older sister and the rest of her crew actually came to watch my basketball game - which was a rarity all in itself and I should have sensed my own demise. After my game, JG met me by the locker room and began walking me towards my house (my entire school career, I lived within walking distance of my elementary, junior high and high schools). At the corner of the school, JG abruptly stopped me, turned me by my shoulders so I was facing him, grabbed my face and began to jam his tongue in my mouth. I had just played a full game of basketball, I know I had B.O. and worse than any of that I had no idea how to kiss back because I had no idea that kissing involved your tongue. My immediate reaction was to forcibly push him off of me to the point where he fell down and then what came out of my mouth next would haunt me for the rest of my junior high and high school career.
And I quote myself, "Ewwwww! What are you doing? GET OFF ME!" Follow this quote up with me wiping my mouth off in disgust.
It wasn't until the words rolled off my tongue and I had removed JG's DNA from my lower lip and cheek that I heard the raging, gut-busting laughter beside us. My older sister and ALL of her and JG's friends were sitting there on the steps outside of the gym and had witnessed my most embarrassing moment to date. While JG was still shell shocked and on the ground, I quickly took off running in the direction of my house and I didn't stop until I got there. The taunting snickers and the words "get off me" resounding in my head the entire way. When I got home I quickly ran to my sanctuary - the air conditioned bathroom - and locked the door. Later that night, my mom asked me what happened. I relived every torturous detail and I could tell she was holding back laughter. My father happened to be in the room while I was reliving my most humilating moment but he didn't hold back his laughter. He did, however, add in an "atta girl, daughter!".
The next morning, JG was not at my locker. Nor was he there ever again. Throughout the rest of the school year, the only time any of JG or my older sister's friends acknowledged me in the hall ways was to shout "GET OFF ME". In hindsight, I'm pretty sure that the only reason JG even went out with me in Junior High was because I was the consolation prize to my older sister. I should have realized it then, but that wouldn't be the first time.
While my older sister never talked to me about it back then, we laugh uncontrollably about it now. I still blame Disney for false advertisement and misinforming the youth about how a first kiss really goes down. They never show Prince Charming jamming his tongue down said Princess' throat. Perhaps if I had the right material to base my expectations on, I wouldn't have failed as bad. Regardless, that was my first "real" kiss and honestly, it never got much better...
The next morning, JG was not at my locker. Nor was he there ever again. Throughout the rest of the school year, the only time any of JG or my older sister's friends acknowledged me in the hall ways was to shout "GET OFF ME". In hindsight, I'm pretty sure that the only reason JG even went out with me in Junior High was because I was the consolation prize to my older sister. I should have realized it then, but that wouldn't be the first time.
While my older sister never talked to me about it back then, we laugh uncontrollably about it now. I still blame Disney for false advertisement and misinforming the youth about how a first kiss really goes down. They never show Prince Charming jamming his tongue down said Princess' throat. Perhaps if I had the right material to base my expectations on, I wouldn't have failed as bad. Regardless, that was my first "real" kiss and honestly, it never got much better...
I also blame Disney for unrealistic expectations about hair. This is a rant about Disney, right? ;)
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